So, most of the people reading this blog will know that I'm very passionate about my skiing.
So passionate I was, that I actually brought some of my ski gear with me from Sydney in the hope that I would go skiing.
This weekend, I finally succeeded in booking a trip out to Mount Snow. Actually that name is deceptive... It should actually have been called Mount Ice for reasons that shall become obvious.
The previous weekend, I received a tip from my colleague saying that they had a massive dump of snow (hehehehe dump) in Vermont. So much so that flights were grounded and she was stranded there for a few days and couldn't get a flight back in to work. I can think of worse places to be stranded... but i digress. As such, I got on to ze interweb and booked myself a trip out to Mount Snow in Vermont. At $100 dollars for the day, it was a bargain - 4.5 hour bus trip each way and lift ticket included. For $100 dollars, you can barely even get a day-pass for Perisher.
I love Perisher and I work for them, but I'm fairly certain I will never pay to ski there ever again or anywhere in Australia for that matter.
So let the shenanigans begin.
It's 11PM on Saturday and I'm due to catch a 4:30AM bus from the Upper East Side on Sunday. I'm packing my shit making sure I've got everything and at about 12AM I'm finally about to get some shut eye. Just as i'm closing the laptop, I get an IM from a colleage...
"Did you know that we are switching over from day light savings time at 2AM?"
My response :
"No I fscken did not!"
So ... that's another hour of sleep i was not going to have. I frantically did some research and realised i had to wind my clocks forward one hour.
In hindsight, my mobile phone would have figured it out just fine, but my desk clock would have totally dropped the ball. Unlike this dog...
ANYWAY...
I get in a cab and make my way up to the upper east side and wait for the bus. Everything goes smoothly. Unfortunately, my stop was the last one and there were only a few seats left. I reluctantly take a seat towards the back of the bus, conveniently located to the in-bus toilet.
And wheels on the bus go round and round ...
Shenanigan number 1 (on the way up)
One of the guys clearly had a big night on Saturday and probably did not sleep at all. He had to relieve himself about an hour in so he uses the in-bus facilities. I can only speculate at what happened in the bathroom, but i'm fairly certain i'm on the money here.
As he's doing his thing, suddenly the bus has to brake suddenly. Shit is flying everywhere ... people are spilling drinks/food and luggage is dropping out of the overhead bins.
With my toilet "vantage point", i hear this loud thud and a groan and then yelling from within the toilet.
So, I'm having a bit of a giggle. A minute or two elapses then I see someone else walk up to the back of the bus. He knocks on the door and this is the conversation that transpired :
"Hey Mike, are you ok in there? I got your call but I couldn't hear you properly."
"OMG there is piss EVERYWHERE. Do you have a spare pair of pants????"
"UMM... WTF, did you pee yourself?"
"OMG, IT'S RUNNING DOWN MY LEG AND INTO MY SHOES!"
"AHAHAHA THAT'S HILARIOUS. HEY JIM, MIKE JUST PEED ALL OVER HIMSELF. IT'S GOING INTO HIS SHOES!!! LOLOLOL!" (loud enough for the whole bus to hear).
Practically everyone on the bus turns around with a WTF look and then starts laughing. I can only surmise that he was taking a sit down number 1, had face planted against the wall and then proceeded to pee into his pants.
After about 10 minutes Mike has to do the walk of shame ... a liquid outline on the floor betrays him all the way back to his seat. Thankfully ski pants are waterproof both ways, otherwise, i would not want to sit in that seat after him ...
After 4.5 grueling hours on the freaking BUMPIEST highways i have ever been on, we arrive at Mount Snow.
An my day begins.
It takes me a little while to get my ski legs back, but soon i'm in the rhythm of things so i decide to move away from the Green runs. I start a conversation with a friendly skier on the lift and he mentions that the runs in a certain place are worth skiing, so I beeline there. I should have realised something was amiss when i was confronted by this tree.
What that is is about an inch of freezing rain that has hit the branches on the tree. The rain has frozen on impact and essentially entombed the branches in an icy grave.
Common sense should have made me think about the surface on which i was about to ski on ... but i didnt. Ended up being about 2 inches of solid ice. oh joy ...
Anyway, ice shenanigans aside, something did catch my eye. I was looking at a tree and the branches were pretty barren. Then i noticed that there were things tangled up in it... I was like... gold! someone has dropped their mitts/gloves/belongings and it's caught in the tree. then as i got closer, i realised it was all ladies underwear. cue double take and "wtf".
However, while you may have had a laff/chortle/giggle at what has happened so far, nothing can prepare you for the highlight of the trip.
Back in high school, there was a kid who had a really flat face. He was the subject of a fair bit of teasing and we thought he had been run over by a steam roller.
Poetic justice was served on this trip. I was steam rollered ... by a 300 pound American.
I'll paint you a picture.
I've just gone half way down a run and I'm taking a break. I'm taking a few refreshing sips of water from my Camelbak and I'm getting myself ready to navigate the rest of the ice down the hill.
All of a sudden (cue family guy reference) ...
this 300 pound american comes hurtling down the hill. Now normally, if you are out of control, the courteous thing to do would be to yell and tell people to try and GTFO of the way.
this guy gave NOTHING. all i heard was the typical sound of skis/boards scraping against the snow then suddenly, i've been pancaked.
W H A T T H E F U C K!
An my day begins.
It takes me a little while to get my ski legs back, but soon i'm in the rhythm of things so i decide to move away from the Green runs. I start a conversation with a friendly skier on the lift and he mentions that the runs in a certain place are worth skiing, so I beeline there. I should have realised something was amiss when i was confronted by this tree.
What that is is about an inch of freezing rain that has hit the branches on the tree. The rain has frozen on impact and essentially entombed the branches in an icy grave.
Common sense should have made me think about the surface on which i was about to ski on ... but i didnt. Ended up being about 2 inches of solid ice. oh joy ...
Anyway, ice shenanigans aside, something did catch my eye. I was looking at a tree and the branches were pretty barren. Then i noticed that there were things tangled up in it... I was like... gold! someone has dropped their mitts/gloves/belongings and it's caught in the tree. then as i got closer, i realised it was all ladies underwear. cue double take and "wtf".
However, while you may have had a laff/chortle/giggle at what has happened so far, nothing can prepare you for the highlight of the trip.
Back in high school, there was a kid who had a really flat face. He was the subject of a fair bit of teasing and we thought he had been run over by a steam roller.
Poetic justice was served on this trip. I was steam rollered ... by a 300 pound American.
I'll paint you a picture.
I've just gone half way down a run and I'm taking a break. I'm taking a few refreshing sips of water from my Camelbak and I'm getting myself ready to navigate the rest of the ice down the hill.
All of a sudden (cue family guy reference) ...
this guy gave NOTHING. all i heard was the typical sound of skis/boards scraping against the snow then suddenly, i've been pancaked.
W H A T T H E F U C K!
I was completely winded but fortunately did not suffer any lasting injuries.
Now that I have climaxed with that... i'm not sure there is much more to be said.
The rest of the afternoon and indeed the trip back home was pretty ordinary after that...
No comments:
Post a Comment